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Good God, Y'all!: "I don't trust me either."
sophie_deangirl
"On life's journey faith is nourishment, virtuous deeds are a shelter, wisdom is the light by day and right mindedness is the protection by night. If a man lives a pure life, nothing can destroy him. " -- Buddha

"The mind is everything. What you think, you become." -- Buddha

With the backdrop of the beautiful sunny day, a forest resplendently green, we can't help but remember that the last time we were in a somewhat similar setting was when Dean admitted to Sam that he shouldn't be alive, that he was dead and should've stayed dead, we now witness Sam admitting that there is something in him that scares him, that he doesn't trust himself either. He suggests that they go their separate ways and Dean, with obvious pain at the idea, agrees. And so they split up. Our boys are on their own and our collective hearts break and I used a boatload of kleenex!

What another FANTASTIC ending!!! And the episode just reeked of aching sadness. Blogs past have talked about how the Winchesters are the best when they are united and together and though at the end of all this mayhem, they will be, I'm as sure of that as I am of Dean saving the world, this episode showed that no matter how painful it is to accept, they need time away from each other. It's a good thing, for now. And not just because of Sam. Sam is trying, trying really hard. It's not difficult to see his sincere efforts, but the fact is, he is a locked and loaded loose cannon worse than that, he's not sure of himself. War's observations weren't lies, they were just harsh truths and they allowed Sam to see that, by his own admission, he's been trying to rationalize his actions and the dark feelings he's been having. He can't keep doing that anymore. He's trying to face who he is, but the fact is he doesn't know who or what he is right now and that scares him and well it should. Jared was simply amazing in that moment!

The beauty of the ending was all of the great symbolism in it. From the forest setting to watching Sam walk away, to Dean closing his eyes and reluctantly agreeing with Sam to separate, to Dean offering Sam the Impala (holy crap, Batman, that was totally unexpected and yet a gesture that would never have occurred in the past --all the more reason to see that Dean loves Sam, would still do anything, give up anything for him), to Dean calling him Sammy. It was SO BITTERSWEET!

Okay, from the beginning. I LOVED that there was another The Road So Far! I never tire of these vignettes. It shows Sam's evolution as well as what's happened to this point and also re-introduces Ellen, Jo (it was great to see them both back after a long absence) and Rufus, to the song, Long, Long Way from Home by Foreigner, a personal favorite of mine. It fits PERFECTLY! Both boys are a long, long way from home in more ways than one.

Seeing Bobby in the wheelchair with no healing in his immediate future, hurts so much, but Bobby will bounce back. He's not one for self-pity or surrendering to it at the expense of the battle. You know that he will put aside his situation for the boys. He'll use his anger productively by channeling it towards the battle ahead. He's probably more pissed and maybe even afraid that he won't be in the fight with his boys, to help them. I think that bothers him the most. Okay, admission, Dean's x-ray of his ribs? HOT! Silly as that sounds, I was chatting with my friend Tiffany and being the unrepentant DeanGirl that I am, all I could think about was how even Dean's ribs carved with an Enochian Sigil (I had to look this up...make no mistake, the writers, they DO their homework and research. Thanks to Tiffany's spelling I found this) are SEXY!!! I just hung my head in shame, but not for long. Hee. I have no shame when it comes to Dean.

The confrontation with Cas was amazing. Seeing Cas stand up for himself was AWESOME. It hurt to hear him say that he had lost everything for nothing because Dean couldn't get to Sam in time to stop him from starting the Apocalypse. In my eyes, I thought it was an unfair accusation. Cas took too long to take a stand before he sent Dean over to Sam, but I applaud his conviction about his belief in God and I know that Dean respected it. Interesting that Cas called Sam. Why not Dean? Wonder why that was? Probably doesn't really matter, but I wonder nevertheless. I LOVE Cas's declaration that he was going to find God. No small feat that. I LOVE the idea that God has placed Himself in a sort of witness-protection program of His own to observe and act as He feels needed. AND OH!!! Dean's amulet!!! What an AWESOME idea to make Dean's amulet, as Sam put it, an EMF meter for finding God!!! I LOVED THAT IDEA!!! Oh and giving the amulet to Cas was the first sign of the separation to come. That amulet, given to Dean by Sam has never left either brother's neck and yet Cas asks for it to find God and you can't help but feel the loss. I LOVE that Dean resists at first. He may be in an uncertain place with Sam, but he still holds his connections to him dear, so giving the amulet away even if for the good of the cause, it's a disconnection between the brothers that hurts tremendously! I LOVE Dean saying that he felt naked without it. You can believe the underlying emotion in that line. I WAS SO happy that they explained the amulet's purpose, other than being a symbol of family from one brother to another. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but the idea that it serves an even greater purpose than just being a piece of jewelry is a GREAT idea. Bobby's parting words were HILARIOUS! SO BOBBY! He puts aside his issues for the war at hand, but then whips a zinger about God bringing him legs. He's SO AWESOME! I hope his situation is temporary just because it makes him vulnerable and I don't want anything more to happen to Bobby. Anyone who can resist possession to save someone he loves deserves a break AND a medal.

I LOVE their entrance into the town of River Pass, CO, like 2 gunslingers coming into town to the tune of Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum. It's moments like these that remind me of what they once were together. Oh, that War drives a cherry red Mustang is cool because in the texts, his "horse", in this case, an iron horse, is red. Again, the writers they do SERIOUS research, no one can dispute that. It was a great way to introduce one of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The actor, Titus Welliver, who played him was great. He's done some stellar villain work on other shows. He plays War so cool and matter of fact. My friend Tiffany noted just like Fredric Lehne did with Azazel. I wonder if we'll see the other 3, Conquest, Famine and Death...pretty likely we will since all have to appear eventually in the Apocalypse. I did some research too and they sound cool:

Conquest, white horse, uses a crown and bow, "kills the beasts of the earth".

Famine, black horse, uses a weighing scale (interesting), to bring famine. No surprise there.

Death, pale horse, uses a scythe (no surprise there either), he's followed by Hades, kills with death and disease.

Lovely motely crue (tipping my hat to the rock group) they are.

LOVED Ellen's introduction, but poor Dean, he's always getting holy water splashed in his face then when she lectures them about not keeping contact, his "yes, mam" melts me! A show of respect that I admire. Jo's appearance is too brief, but you can tell there's still an uncomfortableness between her and Dean.

When Dean and Sam go to the sporting goods store (or Dean does and Sam goes to the Quick-Mart), their first real sign of significant strain is seen when Dean doesn't trust Sam enough to be out among demons. I don't blame Dean at all. In the end, he was right even though Sam didn't think so then. It's only later when he kills what he thinks are demons and sees their blood (we learn later that there are no demons, just War manipulating humans to believe there are demons and having them kill each other out of paranoia-- kill first, ask questions later) does he realize he's having a difficult time resisting tasting it, wanting that power back.

I loved it when Dean and Sam ready the "troops" though I find it HILARIOUS that War pretends he's a total goof with a gun. I loved when Dean asks where the soldier served after he sees him disassemble the gun then the soldier says that it takes one to know one. There'a kinship there that I loved. Then when the soldier asks Dean where he served, Dean says Hell matter of factly as if it was a war zone like any other war zone then when pressed says Hell again. What I love about this episode is the transition that's being made for Dean to be battle ready. He's really developing into a commander, the kind of leader that he has to become in order to lead humanity into the battle for their very souls. He has to convince them it's a battle that has to be won for the good of humanity. I love that we see Dean second guess his instincts. When Sam gets captured, his immediate response is to run after him, to save him, but he stops himself, just barely and you can see that it's not without a profound sense of conflict. It's not like him to not come to the rescue of Sam, but in a painful way, he has to think more with his head than with his heart. Not easy for Dean. Leading with his heart is how he rolls, it's what makes him the compassionate man that he is. He makes the admission to Sam later that he can't go after him and protect him like he used to anymore and as hard a choice that is, it is logical and necessary. Dean is evolving into what he will have to be when all is said and done. I know he won't become a robot, a soldier without feelings, but I think the harsh decisions ahead will come from having to make sacrifices in order to win the war. Dean in Jus in Bello said that if winning a war meant being less than human, he didn't want to win. I know he still believes in that because he's brought up twice with Zacariah his concern for the human cost to the "pissing match". He still puts humanity first just like he does with Sam even though right now, he can't with Sam. The bigger picture has to come first. Whether he can realistically play legit in a war where both angels and demons alike don't care about the cost in human lives is a matter that remains to be seen. I hope so. If Dean has his way, then yes, I know he'll do it or try really hard not to lose sight of what he's fighting for.

Sidenote: When Sam shoves Dean when Dean challenges Sam going out with Ellen, it felt like being punched in the gut ourselves. It also demonstrated again Sam's insecurity, he reacted defensively about not being trusted even though there was a good reason for being distrusted.

My faith in Dean's ability to figure things out was affirmed when he realized what was happening in the town. I know Sam suspected something awry when he saw War twist his ring in the background, but War had to give him hints. Dean used all the clues available from the townspeople, figures out that it's the 4 Horsemen, not even the priest makes the connection between the polluted river and the shooting star. I LOVED that Dean made the connection of the cherry Mustang as War's "ride". You also had to giggle at the way Dean says it would be the way he'd ride. So much of the personas of Dean and Sam have been about Sam being the brains, the research guy, the smart one and Dean being just the muscle, but I LOVE these moments when Dean will come up with the solution or extrapolate on a theory like he did with the Siren, recalling the Odyssey and joking that yeh, he reads. I thoroughly enjoy it when he does that. Dean's knowledge of the passage in the Bible was impressive. Yeh, he reads, all right.

I REALLY enjoyed War's interaction with Sam. It's enlightening and as I said before, Titus Welliver does a great job at making War seem almost benign, like he's just there to fulfill what he was meant to do along with this 3 compadres/siblings. It seemed almost natural the way he puts it. The best part was his observations of Sam. It seems the best readers of Sam's true nature are the demons. Does it mean that they do because he's more like them? Interesting theory. The fact that War says that he can see inside Sam's head and that he tells Sam to save his protests for Dean, really demonstrates how much Sam is lying to himself. I also LOVE that War, like Casey back in Sin City, points out that he didn't have to do much to get the humans to fight among themselves, suspect each other, kill each other. It's a glimpse into human nature that doesn't paint us very pretty. It demonstrates that given the right conditions, the perfect fear factors, we, humans, we are quick to judge and exact punishment in the name of protection veiled by paranoia. This can also hark back to Season 1 in The Benders when it was plain old humans who were doing the most disreputable things to other humans, hunting them down. Dean made a keen observation then about getting demons, but that people were crazy. This paints humans in a bad light and makes you wonder why humanity is worth saving at all given all of its flaws, but you know that Dean believes that it is. His observation to Cas in It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester was telling of that, watching children at play and how satisfied he felt at saving them, both him and Sam. I LOVED that War points out that Sam's good intentions aren't what they seem and can lead him down the path to Hell. It's the same message that Pamela gave him. For Sam, it all comes down to good intentions. He still wants to convince himself that his good intentions are honest and meaningful, but he's finally seeing with the help of War reading him SO well that what he thinks are good intentions, aren't, that they are just excuses he gives himself to get what his true, deep down desire is and that's power and power over others, humans and demons alike, a need to be superior over everyone. It's hard to imagine in Sam, but if you incorporate his history and his past, it's not a hard leap to make that Sam's insecurity about himself and maybe even his self-esteem in general revolve around wanting power over others. He even hinted at it when he told Dean that killing the teenager felt awful and that he wished he could go back to how he "saved" people from possession before. Justification. The fact that he left the host alive was rationalization for using his "gifts", but by removing the possession, he had power over another person, another demon and he liked it. Hard not to see that.

It was a very telling episode. It allowed Sam to come to terms with what he's been doing, admitting that it wasn't just about the blood or Ruby or anything else. It was all about him and that he doesn't trust himself either because he doesn't understand what's happening to him, why he is thinking the way he is and whether it's a permanent situation or something he needs to work through and get control over. So he leaves on his own journey to self-awareness and self-understanding, a journey that he has to take alone though you can see the hope that maybe Dean would argue for him to stay, expecting a fight, but not getting one.

Regardless, our worst fears have been realized, the boys are a house divided, at least for a few episodes. It sounds like they reunite in Episode 5 so there's something to look forward to. Dean and Sam will find their way back to each because despite the distance they are brothers and not the brothers from What is and What Never Should Be, but the brothers who have been through everything together and remained dedicated to each other, would still die for each other in a second. They will hopefully rediscover each other in new and restorative ways making them closer, stronger, better. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and may give the needed perspective.

It was yet another FANTASTIC episode. Can't wait for next week's! Oh, after watching Fringe turn a favorite character into an evil one through a kind of alien possession and HATING that they did that, I appreciate Supernatural all the more for not resorting to black and white distinctions and layering everyone, angels, demons and humans alike. It's a great show for doing that.

Thanks for reading as always! Forgive any mistakes. Believe it or not, I wrote a lot of this blog on my iPhone.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

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It's just so nice hearing music in the show again!! I hope that lasts. I also really hope that we get some more Ellen and Jo this season. We didn't get enough time with them. (Although, we know Jo wasn't waiting for Dean to call her, at least.)

I'm looking forward to a little soul searching. You can't spend that much time together without longing for some alone time, right?

(Fringe aside: Didn't that absolutely suck?! Can we get the AU version of that character in our universe?)

Soul Searching and the need to connect

I'm totally with you about the soul searching. I think that both of them need time to appreciate each other. Being the unrepentant DeanGirl that I am, I have to admit I want more of that to come from Sam because for now, I think he's the one that needs to realize how much Dean has gone through for him. Dean just needs to find a way to forgive him which I know he will. It's clear that he cares about him.

Can wait for this week's!! Thanks for telling Raputathebuta about me. I miss the old TV Guide gang.

Re: Soul Searching and the need to connect

I would have mentioned it to the plurk crowd earlier, but I kinda thought everyone had found everyone else from TVG here. Sorry!

Re: Soul Searching and the need to connect

Don't apologize. We were kind of scattered to the winds when TVG cut off the blog sector so it's hard to reconnect once that happens. Spread the word. It would be great to reconnect with everyone.


On the subject of Fringe

I WAS SO RANTING on Twitter about much I hate this development of Charlie. It was SUCH a predictable and cheap shot at getting rid of a character who may have been peripheral to others, but not to me. He was this stable ally for everyone. His compassion to Liv at the hospital tore me up in retrospect after seeing what happens to him. He was there when she was hallucinating John and didn't think she was nuts, told her that her biggest character flaw was how she beats herself up for perceived failures. He was this great character and though I'm very happy with the direction of Liv and Peter, I wanted Charlie to be there with them...Oh, I could go on and on. I suppose Kirk Acevedo will probably have more to do evil, but sadly, after what happened, I hope he gets killed off sooner rather than later. I can't Charlie evil for too long. I would LOVE an AU version, but I think it's not in the cards.

Re: On the subject of Fringe

Yeah, I hate when they go that way. Oh, we want more drama, so we'll kill off character X. It treats the fans like we're stupid.

What's your Twitter ID? I'm WymsyWynx there.

Re: On the subject of Fringe

I'm sophiesaulie. I'll follow you!

Re: On the subject of Fringe

That was quick!

Hi Sophie!!!! For some reason, I never realized you were on LJ! Whimsy alerted us over at Plurk.

This is going to be another stellar season. Two episodes in & my angst level is at a gazillion. *grin*

Yeh, been here since TV Guide cut us off. Great to see you! I've missed all the TV Guide buds. I know a few found me, but I don't know if all of them did.

I AM SO AMPED UP, it's not even funny. Off to a terrific start in my view and can't wait for more! I've gotten hints about what's coming being the spoiler hound that I am and I'm excited!! Season 5 is going to ROCK!!!

Keep your comments coming! I've missed you!

Hi Sophie!

Reading you blog reminded me that there's a lot I forgot to post in my own!

I loved the boys' entrance into the town. With "SPirit in the Sky" playing it felt a little more like an older episode, I've missed the frequency of the classic rock.

I too loved Cas standing up for himself, though I agree blaming Dean was a little unfair. Mary pointed out that it's Castiel showing a little more human traits, blaming someone else for the pain he's feeling. Cas hasn't had a lot of contact with humans in the past, so I don't think he knows how to deal with all the emotions he's been feeling.

As much as I hate the boys splitting up, I also think it'll be for the best in the long run. Hopefully they'll come back together stronger than ever ... or at least stronger than they are now.

Glad to see you! Thanks for your comment. I've missed everyone over the summer. It feels nice to be back and blogging.I'm very pleased at how just the first episodes have me excited. It's going to be an awesome season and as a unrepentant DeanGirl, I see nothing but good things ahead for Dean. I liked Mary's take on Cas's reaction and can understand it better with her explanation. I admit that I'm an unrepentant protector of my Dean. He can do no wrong in my view (hee, unrealistic, of course, but I love that kind of blind devotion). I am SO certain that Dean will become the kind of leader we need. One thing that Mary said that reminded me and that that I forgotten to mention was the scene between Dean and Ellen. I LOVED Dean's conversation with Ellen about his instincts telling him to call Bobby or talk to Sam. He admits to his dependency in the past of those "crutches" in his life, but this is the first time we've seen him face things on his own and figuring things out without those crutches. It was AMAZING! I am LOVING this evolution of Dean.

Thanks for coming! Keep those comments coming.

Re: Great to hear from you!

Great point! Dean really did have to do everything himself this time! I was pretty impressed with him for coming up with that Revelations reference. He must have been studying up on his Bible passages since the apocalypse hit.

Late again, but still here before the next ep! That's good for me! :) LOVED this episode!
"SmartDean, AwesomeBigBrotherDean, and LeaderDean-This is what Supernatural should be"
A quote and one of the first I read after this ep. aired and I couldn't agree more. He is coming into his own so beautifully and poignantly and part of that is learning to let go of some of the excesses in the brother bond that have hurt both of them so much, but MAN! is it killing him-the letting go. I do believe Sam's "I thought there would be more of a fight." hurt Dean every bit as much as that bittersweet lack surprised Sam-and BTW, this, another surprise for Sam from Dean after 5.01's revelation of Dean's still-held mistrust-a mistrust that would surely be seen as reasonable to most, but to a Sam, who is used to an all and ever unconditionally forgiving Dean, came as a shock. I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED your thoughts on what War said to Sam-the best I have read anywhere. I noticed Sam has been saying he's sorry, but I never hear specifics from him-and I also notice that when Sam says he's sorry, Dean says he knows..."I know you're sorry, Sammy." But I need to hear from Sam exactly what he's sorry for-starting the Apocalypse-we know; choosing Ruby over Dean-we know because Dean pointed that one out; drinking the demon-blood-obviously; but what of that awful thinking and those words to the effect that Dean-DEAN! was weak?!! And that he held Sam back?! And the choking?!-will we hear of these that surely Dean must still be hurting from? I DO hope this doesn't get glossed over. It is SO important to their coming back together better, stronger, and wiser. I am counting on Kripke delivering this, that he promised us. I DID love that last scene-Sam finally owning up; and Dean-Goddess, Dean...so much said with so few words-but his not being able to look at Sam as they said good-bye and his eyes never leaving him as Sam walked away and even as the truck drove down the road-STILL so much going on inside Dean-and I NEED the rest of it, in words, between the two of them...*sigh*...
LOVED the smoldering looks Dean delivered Sam as he came upon Sam in the store with the obvious blood craving/lust and after Sam shoved Dean-that was so shocking!-especially after the apparent remorse and contrition from 5.01-but then again, this was very much in character for previous Sams-but now and finally that Sam's eyes have been opened, we can hopefully get to the real things and the true root; the bare bones of the causes of this necessary separation and what can then be done so they can work side by side again as brothers, but this time united not just by love, but by respect and appreciation, too, and from both sides for what each brings to the partnership. Here's hoping...
Good to see Rufus!(LOVE HIM!), Ellen and Jo in these incarnations, again. I would not mind another hunt with all of them as they are now. Thanks for your words, my dear Deanfangirlfriend! It is indeed SO GOOD! to be back in the saddle again! See you next week!

Hey! No apologies. I know how busy things can get in the real world. It's a miracle I get these blogs off at all. I'm always glad to see you and happy you came by to share your thoughts.

This quote:

"SmartDean, AwesomeBigBrotherDean, and LeaderDean-This is what Supernatural should be"

The writer must be commended! IT IS SO TRUE! Dean has never been this confident, this together (and God, those qualities just makes him THAT MUCH SEXIER if that's even possible!) and Mary made a great point about the differences between evolutions for Dean and Sam.

Dean has already gone through his trials by fires, literally and figuratively. He's gone through so much and yet has continued to rise up. Not to get too quotey, but I just saw the movie Rocky Balboa on DVD and tho I'm a sucker for the Rocky movies in general, I've seen them all (and why Eye of Tiger was that much more meaningful and HILARIOUS), the underlying message Rocky gave to his son in that movie COMPLETELY describes Dean. Life is harsh, cruel, knocks you down, but it's not about how many times life kicks you down, but that you keep getting up every time it does, no matter how hard it is, to keep moving forward and not blame others for your situation. THAT IS DEAN!!! For everything that has knocked him down and for the times, he was close to giving in like in Croatoan, he didn't. People will argue it was more for his own selfish benefit than for Sam and yes, that was part of it, of course, but the acts were no less noble because they ALL came from the act of love. Loving, especially loving too much is inherently selfish (all of us give love in the hopes of being loved back -- it's human nature), but that doesn't make the loving less valuable. Dean's capacity for love is ENORMOUS and his sacrifice in the name of it was HEROIC in my view. In the end, doing all that he did, going through all that he has, crystalized things finally. Dean maybe needed to see the darker side of Sam to realize that he can't go on pulling Sam out of the fire, that Sam needs to discover himself like Dean had to, that Sam has to discover himself and letting Sam go was THE HARDEST thing Dean could ever have done and yet he did it, with love, both for Sam and himself. Your line:

"The offer of the Impala?-Dean's "I love you" to Sam-and altogether beautiful."

TOTALLY agree. Some other blog or comment I read said that by offering the Impala, Dean was saying in "Dean-speak", "I do trust you and I do love you" and that was spot on. Dean would never have done that if he didn't truly trust Sam in some way, just not in the "covering his back" kind of way. Sam has to rightfully earn that back.

AWESOME fellow DeanGirl! YAY tomorrow is another episode and it looks HILARIOUS!!!! I CAN'T WAIT!

Oh, I forgot-the amulet!!! So symbolic first that he gave it to Cas-albeit reluctantly(LOVED THAT SO MUCH! And LOVED! that Sam saw it!)-to help in Cas' search for God. And symbolic in this, itself, that this would be the one thing he would give it up for-the search for God and a hopeful ending of the Apocalypse-and very much a part of those new leadership qualities. Also, symbolic of an ending and a new beginning-while the brotherly love is still there, their bond, as it was, was too flawed and is no more; perhaps when it is re-forged, stronger and better, Dean will regain the amulet. The offer of the Impala?-Dean's "I love you" to Sam-and altogether beautiful.

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