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Unabashed Spoiler Hound & Fanfic writer

Reveling in the fickle nature of fangirlishness

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Season 5 begins TODAY! Yay! *dances the happy dance
"I believe that a man is the strongest soldier for daring to die unarmed."  - Gandhi

Welcome back everyone!  I know I've been away for the summer.  It's been hectic and between the California economy and the nation's, there has been some serious challenges that had to be faced.  Happily, I'm still employed and will be for awhile (I work for the University of California and I'm on state funding so you can do the math) so I can breath a sigh of relief for now.

On a happier note,  TODAY is THE DAY!!!  YAY!  The one that we have been waiting for all summer. Amazingly, for good or for ill, the summer went surprisingly quickly and here we are, awaiting Sympathy for the Devil with baited breath. Speculation abounds and thoughts of sugarplums...err...umm...I mean Dean Winchester are dancing in my head.

I didn't go to Comic Con, but because I'm a shameless spoiler hound, I managed to see the clip they showed there on YouTube.  Out of respect for those who don't want to be spoiled, I won't reveal or speculate on what occurred in that clip.  If you do want to be spoiled, comment directly to me and I'll share. But I will say that if what I saw was true, it's going to start with a bang and completely delight us. Now, of course, that's if I've managed to interpret the clip correctly.  You'll know when you read my blog, hopefully on Friday unless the episode was so amazing I was left gobsmacked for a couple of days (I'm thinking that's highly likely) if I have or not. Other clues in the form of pictures have been both distressing and intriguing. Hints to future episodes are getting me very excited that like last year, there will be some very interesting speculations to come.  I've even heard a rumor that The Trickster might make a comeback, but this is unsubstantiated, thus why I'm sharing it. There's a 50-50 chance it's not true. No matter what happens, I know I am totally ready and itching to see what happens.

So many things are swirling in my head about what might be coming having nothing to do with the spoilers I've seen like the bond between the brothers. Dean's wonderful declaration in Lucifer Rising to Castiel that he would take Sam as is will definitely be tested and of course, one can't gloss over what has painfully come to pass between the brothers, long held resentments, regrets, accusations, and more.  Though truth can set someone free, it can also inflict the most painful wounds and scarring, sometimes so much so that they can never be completely healed, the only hope is that both brothers can get past what has happened, but the question is will they ever be the same?  The same? No, I seriously doubt it nor should they.  Growth from mistakes, for better or worse, owning up to the responsibility of your actions, those are pivotal in hopefully becoming a better human being. Acknowledging one's mistakes and learning from them is part of the human condition if you are not one lost to darkness.  Granted, in Sam's case, his mistake, albeit misguided, of giving rise to Lucifer is a pretty intimidating and HUGE mistake, but even he must find the lessons behind how he got where he is.  Will the boys be the better for having gone through all they did, for having all their feelings, both bad and good revealed and will it in the end make them stronger and more bonded than ever? I certainly hope so and knowing the inherent love between them, I know that it will happen just not right away. It can't be swept under the run and ignored, for sure, but also it's not something you can readily accept and get over quickly, no matter who the person is, mother, father or brother.  Many things will have to be re-learned and re-earned and don't hate me SamGirls, but most of it will have to come from Sam.

This is not to say that Dean is blameless, he isn't and I would totally submit to the notion that by pushing Sam away in When the Levee Breaks, he was at least partially responsible for pushing Sam back into Ruby's arms, of sorts. However, Sam can only blame Dean for so much. In the end, Sam had free will, he made his choices whether it was because of Dean or not doesn't matter. He chose not to listen to Dean, even when Dean approached him reasonably about his decisions, trying to understand Sam's motives, to comprehend his insistence that Ruby wasn't evil. He couldn't be convinced that what he was doing was wrong, that he was turning himself into the very thing he had feared most, a monster. Despite all the rational explanations, Sam made choices that could only have lead to the conclusion that it did. In the end, what caused him to finally destroy Lillith was her taunt that he was a monster.  His impulse, driven by his insecurity, that lack of belonging that has always dogged Sam since he was in high school, as evidenced in After School Special, was to strike out and strike out he did. Calling him a monster, Lillith knew, would trigger the exact response that Sam delivered. He reacted as expected.  He had enough hatred seeded for Lillith for what had happened to Dean, but truth be told, that was just a convenient excuse for him to exact that payback he so desperately wanted. He used her as an excuse to keep driving him to pursue her and likely maybe deep down he needed to kill her to sublimate the failure that he felt at failing to save Dean. She had done nothing more than to set the hellhound in motion in bringing Dean to death and Hell. He was doomed to head there by their ruthless jaws anyway no matter what that night, she just expedited it as only a demon would. Manipulation, betrayal, it's a demon's nature. She pushed him, yes, but deep down, it was Sam's weakness, his own self-worth or lack thereof, that drove him to fall.  He may have saved boatloads of lives with Ruby, but at what cost to himself? Did he really convince himself that by doing all that he had done to corrupt himself it was all worth it if he was saving lives, that he was making the best of a bad situation? I think so. And if he did, then he didn't understand what real sacrifice was. Even Pamela's dying declaration about Sam's misguided good intentions didn't register strong enough to deter his pursuit of payback.  Somewhere inside of him he felt that the only way he could feel good about all he had done, sacrificed in his eyes, was to kill Lillith. Lillith didn't want to die, to be the last seal broken, like all demons, she'd rather be on Earth than in Hell, but she still goaded Sam with just the right word to make him lose his reason, if it wasn't already compromised. He got his wish, he killed her, thinking he prevented the Apocalypse, but after it was all over and Ruby paraded her manipulation to him did he realize what he had REALLY done and because of it, we have Season 5 to look forward to.  Pride goeth before a fall. There was a reason Sam met that particular deadly sin back in Season 3. It foretold Sam's true and most damaging weakness.

Now, my favorite subject, Dean.  He has a VERY interesting and intriguing arc for Season 5.  The possibilities abound.  Forgive me, you know I'm prejudiced, but I foresee some serious hero worship ahead for me this season!  Hee!  Dean as we saw him at the end of Lucifer Rising seemed grounded in his purpose, proclaimed that there was only one right thing to do, to die for to Castiel and he had come to terms with the fact that he would have to accept Sam no matter what the outcome.  I just about fainted dead away at that speech and blatantly watched it over and over again in preparation for tonight.  Dean seems to be at his strongest.  I'm not saying he won't have flaws, make mistakes, have fears, reveal weaknesses. Great and authentic heroes all do, but his conviction, his determination has never seemed stronger as it does now.  He is readying himself for the battle ahead. He may be slow to come to terms with the enormity of it all, who wouldn't be? And of course, as far as we know, there is no plan or any hint of how Dean is supposed to defeat Lucifer despite all the assurances that he will do it. Uncertainty is to be expected. Dean is a hunter, someone who plans strategically for battles, but who also can improvise on his feet when things don't go quite as planned.  The perfect warrior. Still, there doesn't seem to be a manual or textbook  or even any training that could prepare him for what he will be facing.  Daunting doesn't begin to describe it, but Dean at the end of Season 4 seemed completely resolute in saving humanity, that as he said to Cas, making this stand, fighting for people who are yes, not perfect, some even just as evil as demons, was worth dying for. In Dean's eyes, there is no middle ground.  Humanity is worth saving and he'll do everything he can to do it.

Breaking with Zacariah and his plans, whatever they were, seems to have put Dean, Cas and Sam in a position of heroes without a country. They have only the allies that they have depended on all this time, Bobby, of course, being the stalwart father figure who has always been there for them and maybe they might gain more hunters (there have been hints that Rufus, Ellen and Jo might be returning, just in what capacity is the question), but in essence, all that they have are fellow humans, Sam's powers notwithstanding. I'm sure they'll try to keep those in check as long as possible, the question is at what point will it or might it become inescapable if Dean and the others don't have any other weapons at their disposal? As far as we know, Dean hasn't been given anything extraordinary, other than his own extraordinary self as a human being (no DeanGirl moment meant here, but funny how it turned out that way, huh?), and if Zacariah continues to press him to join with him in order to achieve the ultimate goal and Dean continues to refuse, where will that leave Dean? It's a delightful dilemma!

In my mind, there is no question that Dean will lead the charge. He's already taken that mantle in his speech to Cas.  I loved that when Cas was afraid to disobey, Dean was steadfast, unshakable, committed. *THUD. Where was I? Oh, yeh, *clears throat.  There is so much speculation out there about what Dean will "evolve" into both as a man and also as possible something more.  Eric Kripke has hinted in interviews that God will be a character in the mythology, that he's missing in action and thus the rogue angels are taking over, for now. LOADS of people are speculating that if Dean were to be possessed, wouldn't it be grand to be possessed by God? I don't mean to blaspheme here, just taking Eric Kripke's hints and what the buzz is saying into context.  It would give Dean a power that would surpass all others.  If not that, then maybe he could be an angel, not a vessel for an angel to possess like Cas was with Jimmy, but maybe Dean could be imbued with that honor and the powers that come with that just because he is the kind of righteous man worthy of it. Gosh, I could on and on!  As long as Dean remains the man he has been, warts and all, a man who believes in justice for those who can't fight for themselves, believes in a flawed, but worthy humanity, desires to save people as his mantra for his life has always been, I will be happy. 

I think that this describes the Winchester brothers situation perfectly and forgive me if it's not exact:

"For all who exalt themselves will be humbled and those who humble themselves will be exalted" - Luke 14:11

Sam exalted himself, thought himself the only the solution to stopping the Apocalypse and was humbled by the sheer magnitude of his arrogance.

Dean has always humbled himself, to a fault and to his own detriment, having no idea why God would choose him to be lifted from Hell, that he was just a regular guy, even now, learning that he broke the first seal, he doesn't understand why he deserved salvation.  How will Dean be exalted remains to be seen, but I know one thing, he's no longer wallowing in the the "why me?" He's now fixed and focused on defeating Lucifer, that if he is the only one who can, then he won't walk away from it. Likely Dean views it as a way to redeem himself too, blaming himself for breaking in Hell, I believe that Dean feels he has to make that mistake right.  It's the caliber of the man.

Okay, enough senseless babble and Dean exaltation (your unrepentant DeanGIrl is back).  We are soon to be on the road to having all of our questions answered.  I'm SO EXCITED! I don't know if I can contain myself to get any work done, but I will because the faster this day goes, the closer I get to Dean and the start of a fabulous Season 5.

Enjoy everyone!  I hope to see you tomorrow with a blog on the episode, but if I'm left dumbstruck as I expect I will be, I may not get my head on straight until Monday!

Welcome back and thanks for reading!

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So ... you're a bit excited about tonight?


Fangirlfriend, I share your joy and look forward to this coming season with gleeful abandon.

Your favorite part is all things Dean??? Shocked and amazed woman! I am shocked and amazed! Heehee!

Seriously though, I do believe them when they report that they are pulling out all the stops and it both excites and terrifies me as to what will occur for our boys, Cas, and Bobby. The relationship between the brothers was mightly tried and rocked last season, but I believe that the foundation of their relationship - bonded over all those years of relying truly on only each other will win out in the end. It just might take us a few (hopefully not 22) episodes to get there. A breach like this won't heal overnight - even The Kripke has said so.

I am also sorely going insane over the titlecard for this season. After much speculation on last seasons and then being so blown away by it ... I can only wonder what a season of Lucifer, and possibly the entering of the wrath of God, will bring.

To quote The Dean ... "Bring it!"

Beloved Fellow Fangirlfriend!

Hey, so great to hear from you again. You had me cracking up silly about my obvious Dean worship. You know me WAY TOO WELL!

I, too, believe the brothers Winchester will find their way back to each other, changed for the better, but definitely changed. I hope it won't take 22 episodes either...I might not make it if it's drawn out that long. There was so much of it last season, it downright hurt.

I will be with you as you watch it before I do, boo, hoo!!! Hee! I've become a twitter addict so likely I will also be discussing it with the fellow viewers here on the west coast. Least I hope so.


This was a wonderful blog as always! :)

I love all of your thoughts, and you make such fantastic points.

I've even heard a rumor that The Trickster might make a comeback, but this is unsubstantiated, thus why I'm sharing it. There's a 50-50 chance it's not true. No matter what happens, I know I am totally ready and itching to see what happens.

Ooh, I hadn't heard that! :) I hope that it is true. In spite of what he did, I like the trickster.

Will the boys be the better for having gone through all they did, for having all their feelings, both bad and good revealed and will it in the end make them stronger and more bonded than ever?

I hope so too! I think they will be. It reminds me of a passage in one of my favorite books. One of the characters repairs a broken necklace chain and says something along the lines of, "The funny thing about a broken link...sometimes, when its repaired, it becomes the strongest link in the whole chain."

He chose not to listen to Dean, even when Dean approached him reasonably about his decisions, trying to understand Sam's motives, to comprehend his insistence that Ruby wasn't evil. He couldn't be convinced that what he was doing was wrong, that he was turning himself into the very thing he had feared most, a monster.

So very true. Sam just wouldn't listen. And not to say that Dean is completely without fault, but I totally agree, Sam made his own choices. I think that will be the hardest part for him to deal with.

Again, such a great blog! I loved all your speculation! :)


Hey Soph! Yeah, it was a Looooooooonnnnnnggggggg Summer-I hear you and it's why I'm really late to this party, so I will keep it short here, so that I can get to your premiere thoughts. LOVE your enthusiasm for the start of the season and of course all your DeanLove that you well know I share in direct proportion-hee! Jensen/Dean and the Supernatural premieres are like Heaven on earth to me-like an ice cold drink after months in the desert! He always seems especially beautiful-in ALL ways-in the premieres, doesn't he?!...*winks*...
I liked your thoughts on Sam except for this one:

"This is not to say that Dean is blameless, he isn't and I would totally submit to the notion that by pushing Sam away in When the Levee Breaks, he was at least partially responsible for pushing Sam back into Ruby's arms, of sorts."

And, honestly, it's not because I'm a hard-core Deangirl. I just don't think there was ANYTHING Dean could have done or said that would have swayed Sam from choosing Ruby's way. The ONLY thing Dean could have done differently would be to have gone with them and pretended to support Sam until he could find an opportunity to take Ruby out-but I'm not even convinced that that would have stopped Sam. I DO think Dean has made his mistakes with regards to Sam, but I think they involve being too easy to forgive Sam's faults and flaws of selfishness, pride, and arrogance that have been evident from the begiining of the series, but that he has so rarely been called on-beginning with his disregard and disrespect for Dean as anything other than his caretaker and safety net. Sam has always felt he was better, smarter, and stronger in many ways than Dean-because he had the "strength" to leave the family and got to school and Dean-just being Daddy's Blunt Little Instrument-stayed for that reason-So not true. Dean made his own decisions for his own reasons and they were just as good for him, if not better, than the reasons Sam made his. Dean is and HAS ALWAYS BEEN his own man, and a fine and noble one, at that. It was how his family PERCEIVED him and treated him, IMHO, that made him think anything other than that. And Dean realized this in S4, and hopefully Sam will realize it in S5, so the bond CAN be re-forged, but better and stronger this time. It's going to be a very long road and I think there will be some coming full-circle involved, Sam appreciating his brother and wanting to be by his side more and Dean learning to let go a little more so that Sam can grow out of the perpetual adolescent-like behavior that both John and through him, Dean also(albeit inadvertantly and in the name of love) encouraged and fostered. I think S5 will be about Sam learning how much he needs to be with Dean and Dean learning that he has held on to Sam too tight in the past, he can and still should hold on to him(indeed, I think it imperative for both of them that this happen!) but more loosely, so that they are both allowed to be individuals-and so that they can recognize each other as individuals with unique and different strengths and whose past mistakes have been each THEIR OWN and to be learned from and not used "to excuse". Okay, the end. LOL! Going to your premiere post now...

HEY! Great to hear from you

SO WONDERFUL to hear from you and get back into the LOVELY rhythm of blogging on the episodes. I'm SO happy that the season has begun and with a bang in my opinion. Thanks for your comment and I JUST SO LOVE your devotion to Dean. You SLAY ME, girl! To be honest, I'm with you all the way, just playing Devil's Advocate for those who might think that Dean should own up a little. Like you said, maybe Dean holding on to Sam as tightly as he has been or forgiving too much led Sam to make some of his decisions, still, I'm with you. Dean has every right to be hurt and resentful because in the end, Sam betrayed his own brother for a demon.THAT can't be forgiven all that easily and IMHO shouldn't be. OH, I WAS LIVID at that same BuddyTV guy, John Kubiack or something who had the NERVE to say that Dean should forgive Sam and gave reasons that had STEAM COMING OUT OF MY EARS! He totally dismisses Sam's owning up to his decisions. I gotta stop reading his stuff. Dean has been nothing but a supportive brother and for Sam to not see how valuable he is to him, he has to be taught a lesson. I want some SERIOUS Sam Angst and Sam redemption where Dean is concerned. Especially since Sam, by raising Lucifer, could have unleashed the instrument to Dean's death! He HAS to understand the ramifications of his actions. Oh, I could on and on. Can't wait for your comment about the episode blog. So great to hear from you!

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