Log in

No account? Create an account

Unabashed Spoiler Hound & Fanfic writer

Reveling in the fickle nature of fangirlishness

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
Chaos - A Deal with God - Part 3 of 3
Summary: A mission goes horrifically wrong and Billy is presumed killed. Rick handles it badly. Michael and Casey relive leaving Carson behind. NO CHARACTER DEATH

A fanfiction written based on the characters from the cancelled TV show, Chaos. 

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters and I seek no financial gain. Just hope you enjoy the story. You don't have to be a fan of the show.

A Deal with God

Part Three:

The doctors objected to Billy being moved, stated all of the risks to his health if he did and though Billy acknowledged their warnings, he would not be swayed about his decision. Michael watched with mild amusement knowing that nothing the doctors could say would change Billys mind. So, gingerly, they helped him into a wheelchair, essential IVs remained attached as a nurse transported him to the ICU.

Billy was determined not to show the discomfort he was feeling for fear that it would abort his mission towards Rick. Rick needed him. He came first, his recovery had to come first.

When they got to the ICU and Billy saw all of the intervention surrounding Rick, it sobered and saddened him.

He had been in the situation that Rick found himself in, had been that way as recently as a week ago. He would always remember the pain of feeling a tube down his throat, the pain all over his body from the wounds and the surgery as the medications wore off.

It was all about pain.

Sadly, for him, it was all too familiar. He had treated it as just another day at the office.

Until he saw the faces of his mates as he awoke, anchoring him to reality, making him feel safe again, reminding him of why he did the work, of why he placed himself in harms away every time he went on a mission.

Yes, doing the work was always pain in potentia, but he had accepted it, wouldnt do any other work and wouldnt avoid the work even if it meant repeating the cycle all over again. The people he helped, most recently, Samuel, Hector, they were worth it. His mates, his partners in the work, they were worth it.

Rick, he was worth it.

Rick needed to feel that it was worth it all too. He had to give that to him because in an off-handed way, he was responsible for what had happened to him.

Michael had told him about how Rick had barely eaten or slept, desperate at finding him. He had gotten sicker, weaker then had collapsed into Michaels arms. Pneumonia finding a vulnerable host to gain a foothold then coma swiftly followed.

Rick was surrendering, believing he had failed, had left Billy alone to die or dead. Billy needed to tell him that he was back, back in the warm embrace of friendship, proud of the men he served with, proud of Rick for giving his all for him.

I hear that youve been stricken ill, lad. All because of me and while I appreciate your efforts, you neednt be concerned anymore. Im here. All you need do is open your eyes and see the proof.

Rick remained silent.

Being stubborn wont get rid of me that easily, mate. I know you can hear me and I know its hard to resist, letting go, seeking peace from the pain. Ive been there myself, but you cannot leave. I wont have it. You see, you need to see that your search was a success, that I havent left you behind or that we have left you behind. Its not the ODS way, right?

Billy felt a sharp pain radiate through his chest, so much so, he was finding it hard to breathe. When he followed his hand, which had unconsciously reached for the pain, he saw that this gown was red with blood, his blood.

Better hurry, lad. I fear I may have underestimated my recovery or have worsened it due to my reckless boyishness. I am prone to such misdeeds, you know. I know you can hear me, Rick. Reach out of your darkness. We are here waiting for you. I am here waiting for you. You have not failed me. Only way you could is to give up.

Billy couldnt hold back the pain anymore and was finding that taking each breath was getting more and more difficult to draw. He tried to reach for the call button next to Ricks hand. His bloodied one stained the sheets and had begun to tremble. Unconsciousness was rapidly tunneling in. His fingers just a touch away from the button, but he went limp, losing consciousness, his head and arm splayed across Ricks body.

Ricks eyes then began to flutter open. He couldnt breathe. He felt the uncomfortable restriction of the tube down his throat, but the shock of that was nothing compared to the bloodied visage of Billy, lying motionless on the side of his bed.

He felt helpless. He couldnt scream; he couldnt reach the call button. He couldnt even wriggle his body to try to tap Billy, shake him to wake him.

The frustration began to build and the need to scream was becoming unbearable until all he had wanted to do was risk damage and pull the tube out so that he could yell for him.

Billy needed him and he couldnt let him down, he couldnt let him die. He moved to reach for the tube, feeling weak and pain rising inside of him.

Then suddenly he jerked awake.

He was confused, wondering where he was. Last he rememberedno wait, maybe dreamed was trying to pull out his ventilator tube from his throat toBILLY!

He looked over and instead of finding a bloodied Billy, he saw a tired, but grateful face looking at him, felt a comforting hand touch his arm.

There, now was that so hard? I knew you had it in you, Billy said as he smiled. "Now, relax. You're safe and in good hands."

Rick, ventilator still in his throat, nodded slowly as he closed his eyes and fell back asleep.

Billy then sat back in his wheelchair, his expression pinched with obvious pain.


The doctors, feeling confident that Rick was able to breathe on his own, removed the ventilator and had expressed guarded hope that he was on the way to recovery, if far from being there yet.

The doctors had restricted the visitation to one person at a time. Michael was first.

Hey there, kid. How are you feeling? He asked with a smile.


Its to be expected.

Ricks face then fell and he closed his eyes as if in pain.

What is it? Whats wrong?

I had a dream, Rick rasped. That Billy was here.

Michael looked puzzled at first, but then realized why Rick was acting disappointed. The last thing that he had remembered was that they had left Billy behind.

That wasnt a dream. Billys here. He heard you were in trouble and against doctors orders came in to talk to you. He was sure you could hear him. Clearly he was right, Michael smiled.

Ricks expression was a mix of relief and once again, confusion.

But how?

Ill have him tell you the story.

Why isnt he here?

Michael didnt take offense. He knew the bond the both of them had and it made sense that Rick would be expecting to see Billy's face over his own.

He got hurt pretty badly when we found him, but hes getting better too.

If he was that injured, why was he…”

Like I said, he defied doctors orders.

Is he going to be okay? Rick asked worried again.

Yeh, yeh, he had a setback, but hes going to be fine. I think its going to be a race between you two on who gets out of the hospital first.

Rick smiled as he drifted off to sleep.

It allowed Michael to let his guard down. Rick didnt need to know that Billys setback was a lot more serious than he had let on. 


Billy tried to push back the overwhelming pain in his abdomen, but nothing he exerted was helping. He knew he had to get some help before he passed out. 

He gripped the wheels of his chair and every turn was excruciating. He knew he had nothing left to resist the pain and wouldn't get far so he settled for getting to Rick's call button.

When he got there, he took in a few ragged breaths and pressed the button. With whatever strength he had left gone, he dropped the call button in the hopes that help would be on its way soon.

He curled into himself in the wheelchair, the pain sharp and stabbed with authority; his high threshold was no match for the agony so all he could do was concentrate on his breathing and wait and maybe hope for unconsciousness. He scoffed at the notion that his luck would be that merciful.

A nurse came in and assessed the situation, realizing that it hadnt been Rick who had pressed his call button.

I NEED A GURNEY IN HERE! She yelled then tried to assess Billy. Sir? Sir? Can you hear me?

Yyeh…” Billy swallowed and panted out.

Can you tell me exactly where it hurts? She asked gently and calmly.

Stomachstarted out as just cramping…” Billy offered haltingly through the agonizing pain, as he knew from experience that she would need every detail he could give her. Ggot worse just nowsharp, stabbing pain.

I have to look to see if there's tenderness where the pain is. Can I open your robe?

Billy nodded and let his arms go lax though it was difficult to do, the impulse so strong to wrap them around the pain it took some will on Billys part to accomplish it.

The nurse noticed the swelling and pressed gently. Billy groaned and stiffened with the contact, pain shaking his body.

Im sorry, she apologized.

Billy shook his head, No needI understandwhats wrong?

I think its an abdominal abscess, she said. We have to get you assessed by a doctor and quickly.

She ran out of the room to get a doctor and Billy could only grunt and groan.

Michael and Casey saw the commotion and ran over. They saw Billys suffering and went over.

What happened? Whats wrong? Michael asked as he bent down to check Billy out, his concern trying to veil his rising panic.

Billy trembled with pain, Ddont know yetshe's a getting doctor.

I told you this was a bad idea, Casey scolded, his own panic barely contained.

Billy couldnt help but give him a slight smile.

Right, quite an understatement, I believe. Ill never doubt you again.

You should never doubt me, Casey declared softly.

They were, then, interrupted by the entrance of a gurney and several doctors and nurses who surrounded Billy. Michael and Casey stepped away, helpless once again.

The doctors and nurses helped Billy onto the gurney, but no matter how careful or considerate, he groaned with tormenting pain. It set Michael and Casey on edge.

They wheeled Billy away and all they could do was stand and wait yet again.

When Michael left Rick, he went back to Billy's room. He walked in relieved to see Billy awake.

Billy turned and weakly smiled.

"How's Rick?" Billy asked as he breathed heavily.

"Getting better," Michael said. "You on the other hand..."

Billy nodded and took in a tired breath.

"Need to work on my boyish recklessness," he smiled. "Seems to always get me into a wee bit of trouble, aye?"

"Just a bit. Lucky for you, you'll live to be insubordinate another day," Michael teased.

"Aye, something for you to look forward to," Billy teased.

Michael paused then looked at him.

"I'd've done the same thing," he admitted.

"I know, mate. I know," Billy sighed.

Michael's face then fell and his eyes were downcast, guilt on his face.

"Look, Rick never gave up on you. The decision to leave was mine and mine alone.  I'm sorry."

Billy saw the weight of responsibility on Michael's face and felt nothing but understanding.

"Michael, you have nothing to be sorry for. I told you all to go. I wanted you to be safe," Billy said with calm acceptance. "I'm not Carson."

Michael looked up and saw no recrimination on Billy's face.

"I've been abandoned before," Billy said tiredly as he blinked slowly. "I know what that feels like. You didn't leave me behind, Michael. You had to think of the others' safety. So was I. Absolve yourself," Billy said.

Michael nodded. Though he was their leader and took full responsibility for any decisions he made on any given mission, it always felt gratifying when he heard that his men understood and accepted the fact that he might have to make painful choices.

Michael had made his share of deals with God to bargain for his men's lives when decisions and plans he had made endangered them.

He could only hope to measure up to their loyalty, which he never took for granted.

FIN. Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it.

  • 1
I'm sorry if this sounds mean, but could you please use an lj cut? If you don't know how to you can look it up at:



Sorry I caused an annoyance. I'm still learning to use LJ and just to post my SPN blog this way and didn't know any other way. I'll read those instructions on the LJ cut. Again, sorry.

Heh, I love that you don't hold back on inflicting more pain on Billy before all is said and done. It's great that Billy is able to bring Rick back. I love that Billy absolves Michael in the end. Mostly, I just love how you write Billy because he always knows what other people need and never fails to provide it.

Excellent work!

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I had a dream,” Rick rasped. “That Billy was here.”"

Aw, poor Rick.

"Just a bit. Lucky for you, you'll live to be insubordinate another day," Michael teased.

Lol! :)

Fabulous work as always!

  • 1